Martha, Martha: A Meditation on a Friendship
"Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.
But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went to him and said, 'Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me.'
But the Lord answered her, 'Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.'"
- Lk 10:38-42
The year after I graduated from college, I lived and worked with a dear friend who helped me learn many things about myself. We'd been friends throughout college, better ones in the later years, but you really get to know someone when you spend most of your waking hours together. During this time, she was discerning a vocation to religious life, and we had many beautiful and fruitful discussions about our hopes and dreams, and what "vocation" meant to each of us. I am happy and proud to say that she just made her first vows of her novitiate, in France, this past autumn!
That year helped me to see my "Martha-ness" in contrast to her "Mary-ness". I would often get in what she referred to as "project mode" with some task or other, and forget people, and more importantly, God, in my wake. She, however, is one of the most person-oriented individuals I know. She makes friends so easily with her gracious conversation and true love and concern for the other. She would frequently visit our local chapel, strive to some portion of the Liturgy of the Hours every day, ask me to pray a rosary with her, or bring up some point from spiritual reading for us to discuss over dinner. She looks you in the eye the entire time you are talking to her. She has a fierce love for her family, as well as her friends, a selfless concern and love for everyone she meets (she used to do sidewalk counseling outside of an abortion clinic), but all of these are surpassed by her love for Christ.
(She also loved to watch movies, often while consuming raw cookie dough or ice cream straight from the tub with a spoon. Maybe that's really why we get along so well.)
All joking aside, I found myself wanting to be more like her. I admit I occasionally thought I was a bad person for not feeling compelled to drive over to the church right before bed to "Say goodnight to Our Lord", etc. I gradually came to realize that those were her acts of devotion, of love, and that mine would be very different, both due to temperament and personality. This isn't to say that I didn't learn a great deal about how to restructure my life and fit in more time for God, but I had to accept that my relationship with Him would be mine, not me trying to fit into someone else's vocation.
Also, I learned that this "Martha" aspect of my personality isn't necessarily a bad thing, when ordered correctly. Things have to get done, plain and simple, but when I allow those things to make me anxious, irritable, uncharitable, stressed, and altogether unpleasant to be around, then I'm hurting God, myself, and others. She was one of the first of my close friends to ever come to me and say, "You know, the way you said that really hurt me. I don't think that's really what you meant, but can we talk about it?"
*blow to the gut - the hard but good kind*
Those situations made the bond of our friendship even stronger, because we had to work through things - we lived together and our desks at work were less than 10 feet apart. There was no ignoring the elephant in the room, however it wandered in there. Looking back, this was somewhat of a providential preparation for communication in marriage for me. I tend to bottle things up and not want to deal with them, or just think that I'll work through it on my own and not ruffle anyone's feathers. I'm a people-pleaser. But a bottle can only hold so much before it overflows, or worse, bursts. Thankfully, my husband knows this about me, and it really helps us work things out when there's trouble in Candyland, so to speak.
This is all as part of an explanation for what I've renamed this blog "One Thing is Needful"- as a reminder to myself that no matter how many things are or aren't checked off my to-do list, how long it's been since the kitchen was mopped, or laundry done, or dishes washed, that there is Something infinitely more important in my life that takes precedence.
(She also loved to watch movies, often while consuming raw cookie dough or ice cream straight from the tub with a spoon. Maybe that's really why we get along so well.)
All joking aside, I found myself wanting to be more like her. I admit I occasionally thought I was a bad person for not feeling compelled to drive over to the church right before bed to "Say goodnight to Our Lord", etc. I gradually came to realize that those were her acts of devotion, of love, and that mine would be very different, both due to temperament and personality. This isn't to say that I didn't learn a great deal about how to restructure my life and fit in more time for God, but I had to accept that my relationship with Him would be mine, not me trying to fit into someone else's vocation.
Also, I learned that this "Martha" aspect of my personality isn't necessarily a bad thing, when ordered correctly. Things have to get done, plain and simple, but when I allow those things to make me anxious, irritable, uncharitable, stressed, and altogether unpleasant to be around, then I'm hurting God, myself, and others. She was one of the first of my close friends to ever come to me and say, "You know, the way you said that really hurt me. I don't think that's really what you meant, but can we talk about it?"
*blow to the gut - the hard but good kind*
Those situations made the bond of our friendship even stronger, because we had to work through things - we lived together and our desks at work were less than 10 feet apart. There was no ignoring the elephant in the room, however it wandered in there. Looking back, this was somewhat of a providential preparation for communication in marriage for me. I tend to bottle things up and not want to deal with them, or just think that I'll work through it on my own and not ruffle anyone's feathers. I'm a people-pleaser. But a bottle can only hold so much before it overflows, or worse, bursts. Thankfully, my husband knows this about me, and it really helps us work things out when there's trouble in Candyland, so to speak.
This is all as part of an explanation for what I've renamed this blog "One Thing is Needful"- as a reminder to myself that no matter how many things are or aren't checked off my to-do list, how long it's been since the kitchen was mopped, or laundry done, or dishes washed, that there is Something infinitely more important in my life that takes precedence.
From one "Martha" to another...thank you. xo
ReplyDeleteBeth, this is a beautiful tribute, and also a very worthwhile meditation for those of us who are Marthas, or like me, Marthas with a Mary alter-ego, always engaged in internal conflict. One of my two favorite lines: "I had to accept that my relationship with Him would be mine, not me trying to fit into someone else's vocation." Yeah, still working on that. My other favorite line you'll find shared on Facebook. Thank you for putting this 'out there.' ;-)
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